2019 – Can we rewind?

Sometimes we don’t know whether we’re coming or going. Life seems to rush past us without even stopping to say “Hello”. Of course, this is just reality – That time moves on, and even if we try to pause for a moment, Life itself, will continue.

We’re almost towards the end of the first month into the new year – 2019, and I’m wishing we could rewind and start over… (That being said, I have had a couple of amazing moments).

Life is a funny ol’ thing. We all live on the same planet, but each individual lives life so differently. And sometimes, life can throw in the unexpected and change things forever.

For example, I have a friend who’s life has recently been changed forever due to unfortunate circumstances leading her to have major surgery and a diagnosis of Cauda Equina Syndrome, and current paralysis from the waist down. What makes it frustrating, for her no doubt, is that she’d made a list of all the things she wanted to do differently in 2019, and yet her world has gone spiralling, and all the hopeful opportunities and changes put on hold. However, despite this throwback, it’s also given her a positive outlook on life – to say “This experience has made me realise how short life is and can change in an instant”, and now wants to ensure she enjoys life to its fullest. And yet, it’s heartbreaking that this life changing event had to happen for her to realise this.

I’ve been supporting her as best I can, after all that’s what friends are for. I’ve been ensuring I’ve put boundaries in place for the purpose of self-care, because I need to manage my own health issues as well as strive to continue managing my business. Boundaries are a healthy thing to have. There was a moment in my life where I had no such thing, that I couldn’t hold my tongue, and I never thought before I spoke. These days, I do my best to work on those flaws. A friend of mine said she worries about me ending up in a caring role. I guess naturally, I have always played that part. All my life I’ve been caring or what others may consider to be “bossy”, but I’ve been that way because I guess I feel I need a purpose, a responsibility. I’d never put boundaries in place to look after myself, and of course the amount of pressure builds up internally, that I broke down and thus developed unhealthy mechanisms to “look after myself” as as a way of “coping”. These days, things have changed. I look at my life, and my priorities, and I challenge myself to look at the positives. I concentrate on work, and I ensure I give myself a break, which then may mean a trip to the hospital to see my friend. I don’t want my friend to feel like a burden, and by no means I feel like she is. I am still able to function and get on with my life because I’m making sure I have time to self-care.

After all, my health has been up and down for a long time. Mentally and physically. I mean, there’s nothing new there, but I feel as though this is the year to finally get listened to. And after seeing what has happened to my friend, I really need to start being listened to. Many of you may relate to me when I say that when you have a “fibromyalgia” diagnosis, often underlying causes get missed and blamed on “fibro”, we’ve all been told “It’s just your fibromyalgia”. I feel as though you don’t just have “fibromyalgia”, and whilst I do have other chronic pain diagnosis’, I am wanting to challenge this. I know my own body, and when I struggle in a job I have created for myself, surely there is something wrong?!

I’m also wanting to get my mental health diagnosis’ reviewed. I don’t want to say anything too much just yet, but I’ve recently had a referral sent off, and I’m now waiting on an assessment date. Fingers crossed I’m not waiting for too long!

The challenge with trying to get listened to is the need to switch doctors, so I have someone with a “fresh pair of ears”. Unfortunately with anxiety, it’s not as easy as just switching! I’ll admit, I’ve been brave enough to get the forms, but I’ve not found the confidence to fill them in and hand them back to the new GP. I’m trying to be kind to myself, and allowing myself a breather, to know that it doesn’t have to be done all at once!

We’ve got off to an interesting start in 2019. Perhaps I’m looking at it wrong? Let’s not rewind. Let’s move forward and let’s hope the new year provides us with positivity, love and gratitude!


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